What is the end?

Well I am finished with What is the What. By finished I mean done. Done, done, done. I realize its value and integrity is great, but I cannot put myself through another inch of this book right now. As of today, I have decided if I want to make a life choice, I am going to do it. Mine, however small today, is going to be to finish this book at another time...maybe over the next year. You think I am kidding? The book has given me plenty of strength in knowing things are to get better, even when it seems as though they cannot. I used to be such a positive thinker and somehow it disappeared. For the past three years, well since the second half of my second senior year in college, I have been so negative. Everything seems so mundane. I am not sure if I am being stimulated enough (God knows I am being challenged, though) by surroundings; I have come to believe I have some massive form of ADHD that has nothing to do with attention span to small things or detail, it is something like environmental ADHD. I think I am moving about one pace ahead of my environment and I am not relaxing. Well, now it is time to step a pace back and catch up for God's sake. I couldn't enjoy Lexington because I was bored, so I had to come to Chicago. Then, I got pissed with my job (and anyone would if they had to work with that C yoU Next Tuesday that I worked with last year)...after grad school fell apart and I had to transfer, I slumped again, and then working fifty jobs and grad school pulled me down even more. So, as you can see, I have been in a cesspool of sorrow and energy loss. I make no money and I am mad. I don't get to see friends that often and I am mad. I don't get to travel and I am mad. I have a little debt and I am mad. I am mad at my car. I am mad at my pay. I am mad at my bills. I am mad at everything. Well, today is it, I am starting something new. Putting this book down, however small, is going to be my step into a better future. I am freeing myself from things that hold me back and pull me down. This book, for example, is keeping me from exploring more literature. This attitude, for example, is keeping me from being stress free and succeeding like I used to; it is keeping me from meeting people and it is keeping me from being happy. So what, I have no money...well, nor did any of the greatest artists and look what they did. They at least enjoyed. Look where I live. I love this city. I am ready to embrace it.

So, What is the What has taught me something. Valentino has taught me something. If a Sudanese man can come to America and fare alright, ok despite the fact he was beaten by burglars, then I can succeed for now.

I see it this way. I will be advancing in Barnes and Noble or I will be teaching. Fair enough. Patience is the only option I have, therefore happiness is the only option I have. Crying and being upset is not going to make my bank account fill. If it did, I would have thrown MANY more bitchfits. One way or the other, I will be doing something I like. My management is helping me move in promotional track at work. I also have eyes watching school districts for me. Things are good. I mean, really, I do love working both of my jobs right now...I even love the Lyric work when they have it. I work with fun people and I am around books all day.

The metaphor of the day is my life WAS Southern Sudan. Now it is going to be Chicago. When I moved here, I had so much going for me. Right now, I still do, I just have to clear my mind and open my eyes. It has been a struggle for me and my parents and I hate I have put them through so much pain right now (and asking them to help me...don't worry...I will pay back as soon as I have a salary!).

When I wake up in the morning, things will be different. I am going to read a new book. I am going to write a graduate paper. I am going to draw. I am going to write. I am going to breathe the cool Chicago air and I am going to be happy. And smile. And just love life instead of dreading having to wake up everyday to even bother.

A final say on Eggers. I think he writes well. I like the fact he intertwined Valentino's stories with Valentino's Atlanta problems. Even though I am not finishing right now, I will someday. I also know that I will read more Eggers. I bit off more than I could chew with this book. This is not to say I could not read a 500 book in a week...The Child Thief was 500...it was just heavy. I am a quick reader, but something just did not digest too well (I made it to pg. 419).

I found this review about the book on goodreads.com:
GREAT STORY, NOT-SO-GREAT BOOK!

LISTEN UP ... this took me THREE MONTHS to finish!!! I did read other books in the meantime, but believe me, I wouldn't have dragged my feet on this one if the storytelling hadn't been so TERRIBLY AWFUL!

Another said:

It takes a certain and rare kind of writer to make a story about civil war, genocide, and a refugee crisis boring and unreadable; that writer, specifically, is Dave Eggers. It's not that I don't understand the purpose that this book serves - just as we import the Third World's raw resources to fuel our own material greed, so must we import their tragedies to break up the monotony of our lives. My question is - can't we get better books to do it?

Now, my argument is that we can at least put our own lives in perspective when reading books of this type. I think the book helped me in some way. I know it hurts to read about loss and death, but it helps to think of what we have. Just a thought.

So, tomorrow, I am going to read Eleanor Estes' The Hundred Dresses. All I know is that it is a Newbery Medal Honor and from what I have heard, a vastly inspiring book. It is celebrating the end of my E week and moving forward into my F week. Tomorrow, I will provide some insight into Estes and her work. The book is only 80 pages and includes substantial font and many illustrations. This should be good.
So please do not be disappointed in me for not finishing the book. I realize this blog does not mean I have to love a book. It is for me to try new things and hopefully spread some recs to people.

Tonight, I got social time in with Justin and Tim...as pictured below. They are two crazies that I am friends with. They have been friends for a while and have merged me into their circle of awesomeness...haha. They asked if I wanted to see Burton's Alice in Wonderland and I of course said yes because I love Tim Burton's stuff!
And now...here is my opinion.
I have heard many bad things about Alice in Wonderland. Burton's movies are usually never complained about, so I was a little scared before seeing it. I heard dialogue was bad, too much CGI and other things. Well...I would have to disagree. The dialogue was great. Our society is too hyperactive. We have to watch movies that banter and bitch and cuss and complain. The action must be NONSTOP and everyone must be doing a thousand things a second to keep us entertained. Well, Alice was somewhat traditional to a movie based on a Classic. The beginning set the stage...oh, by the way, totally based on Alice in Wonderland AND Through the Looking Glass. So, there was some dialogue and stuff without CGI...and to that, I say perfect. It almost seems to unfold as a drama. Well, when Alice finally gets to Wonderland (which is Underland), the CGI begins...and of course you HAVE to use CGI on movie like this. How else would we be able to create Wonderland? So, I think it was fine. The acting was good...everything was good. I love the fact it was 3D. Quite powerful. The movie was visually stunning. The only thing I did not like was when Depp did a little dancing scene...totally does not fit...but what can ya do? He plays a great Mad Hatter. I would def say 4 stars to it. Danny Elfman, my fave, does the score. :) Oh, and by the way, every queen is going to be impersonating the White Queen's stance...HAHAHA.
So, last but not least, what is a day without a story from the bookstore? Well, it just isn't a day. Today's story is crass...keep reading and don't yell at me if you do.

So, I walk in and find out I have to clean the men's bathroom because the toilet has overflowed. YAY. Well, naturally water is everywhere and to add that touch of schadenfreude, there were particles so to speak in it. I chloroxed the HELL outta that bathroom and made sure it was clean. First off, chlorox splattered on my pants. I had to replace them at Gap (thank God for 50% discount b/c I am pretty sure I will not be reimbursed...positive thinking...positive thinking). Secondly, I could smell the stuff all day. To add to the bathroom fun, the ceiling rained down on the last part of our Fiction/Lit section, the Western section and oh here it goes...the first part of the Romance section...sorry ladies...no reading porn for you today. Maintenance was working on it all day. Well, back to the toilet. At the end of the day, my manager says this...and I should no it is going to be bad:
Patrick, guess what they found in the toilet? she said. What?
Just guess. They told me to guess. They said in the past couple of days they had found diamond rings, Mercedes keys and watches in the toilet. So, I asked is that what it is? The plumber said no. You have guesses. she said. Ok, well, I know that a tampon wouldn't make the toilet overflow...a condom wouldn't either. So I don't know.
Here's the kicker: Patrick, they found a strap-on dildo in the toilet.

?
?
?

And now, I am officially writing a book. On that note. Goodnight.