Tonight I was talking to a regular who normally sits right next to our South stairwell. The last time I saw her was just before New Year and she was bitching out another customer (the other customer was complaining because the woman was talking to me. She said that this was a bookstore and she needed to be quiet. This turned into "This is not a library ma'am. Do you hear the music playing? Do ya? Do ya? Yeah that's right. Libraries don't play music. So you need to shut up and let me talk to this young man. I want to know how he is doing. And another thing. You need to get your nasty feet off this table. People put food on this table." The woman responds in bitter tones. The response from the woman talking to me "Oh yeah woman? You should just shut your bitter damn mouth and get out of this bookstore if you think I am being too loud. Go to the library.").
So...back to the woman tonight. She asked me how my New Year's Eve was. I told her it was wonderful. I told her I had a great time and went to see the Addam's Family with Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuworth at the Oriental Theatre. I also told her I just saw her "friend" (lady from above) the other day. And then the fun began. Here is the NON stop conversation I got. It was totally one sided and she kept going and going and going and going and going:
Oh that woman is evil. You know, Satan is all around us and she is just doing his bidding. Satan is everywhere. It is the end of the world. In order to come to the end, you need evil people. That is what we have now. Evil people. Evil people are everywhere. The Prince of Darkness is already in control. He is here and everyone is doing his bidding. Everyone in Hollywood is part of it (really...did she just bring in Hollywood without provocation...maybe she saw the ad in our store for Ozzy's book signing in two weeks). In order to be an actor you have to be Satanic. Everyone in Hollywood is Satanic. All of the movies are about Satan. In order to act in a movie about Satan you have to be Satanic. Satanic movies have witches in them. Did you see What Not to Wear the other day. They had a real life witch on there. They thought it was the coolest thing to dress her. Can you believe it? A witch. Satan is everywhere. They are Satan for having a witch on there. And you guys have a section about witchcraft in this store. A bookstore? How can a bookstore be brought into Satan? All the corporations are going to Satan. They have signed themselves over to Satan for what? For money? For power? For Fame? All three. And then you have Teen books that are all about Satan; look at Twilight and all of those Vampire and witch Satan books. Have you seen your magazine selection? The cover models are all Satan. They look like Satan. I don't know how they get them to look like Satan but they do and they all work for Satan (is anyone thinking of Dana Carvey as Church Lady yet?)? Everyone is around Satan. It is going to be the end of the world because of Satan everywhere? Have you seen the sign everyone is throwing up in Hollywood? (This would be the sign of the Quiet Coyote if you are a teacher...stick pinky and pointer fingers in the air and bend middle and index down to your thumb) That is Satan with the horns. I got pictures of the Pope doing that. You know what else is Satan? People marrying interaccially. Everyone coming to the United States is here to wipe the Anglo Saxon race off the Earth because they know it is the smartest and most intelligent. And the kicker is about to happen. I am 100% Assyrian. I would never come here to take over. I would never marry another race. My family is 100%. My parents married within the same tribe. I would never marry anything other than an Assyrian. Just like you (talking to me )will marry something Irish/Anglo Saxon with blonde hair and blue eyes (ha). You would never go out of your race (ummmmm...does she know me? Has she looked at my track record...Hispanic, Asian, Greek). Interracial marriage creates identity crisis. The kids grow up not knowing who to identify with. They have nothing to hold onto. They get into trouble and become part of Satan. Now I know I live here in the United States, but I was one of the first Christian Conversions in Iran. It is ok for me to be here. My government is falling apart. We have no one to lead us. But everyone else here, that is Satan. This country was built on the minds and backs of the Anglo Saxons (does she know the history of the Civil War and what might have caused it? Could the African Americans not have had anything to do with it, as well? What about the Native Americans who helped the whites and then we turned around and screwed them over?). All of these people here are here to wipe out and overpower the whites. (I feel as though she was trying to justify herself as a white might at the Million Man March.) All of these cultures mixing is Satan's way of causing cultural warfare so we can kill each other off. And then because of all of this interracial stuff, people are being driven by another vehicle of Satan...divorce. Divorce is Satan's way of pulling us in. It is conspiracy and you know what else is conspiracy? Those gays and lesbians (uh oh). They are here to bring us down to Satan, as well. Obama is Satan, too. All of these people are trying to wreck the ideal, classic, American family unit/model. You saw the Addams Family the other day. That is just a mess...I mean I am not saying it is wrong of you to see it, but it destroys the traditional family unit. They are weird, they are Satanic, they are not right. That is not normal. What happened to the Facts of Life and The Brady Bunch? This is all divorce and gays and lesbians. All of it. The religious figures have sold themselves to Satan. Everything is magic now (so I guess this is not a good time for me to recommend Harry Potter and The Graveyard Book or The Lightning Thief?). People go to Macy's for magic in that star that represents their emblem. Starbucks has the Satanic star because they are witches (oh shit, I must have Satan in my digestive system and bladder b/c that was my dinner...thank God I will be cleansing myself and peeing him out after this blog). Can you believe people go for all of this magic stuff. They are evil...and this is the point...after 10 STRAIGHT minutes, I had to cut her ass off and go to Music to cover a break.
So. That was exciting. No one else was quite that interesting tonight. I had this thought, though, after helping a couple of people with Juvie fiction, I should read some of the Caudill Awards and Newbery Awards when I get the chance (maybe after I finish my book of the week) just so I can become more familiar. I have been meaning to read A Crooked Kind of Perfect by Linda Urban,The Mozart Question by Michael Morpurgo, The Naked Mole-Rat Letters by Mary Amato and The Thing About Georgie by Lisa Graff. I am also definitely going to read the new Newbery before Stead comes to sign at our store.
Well I finished Adams' A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I have to say British humor and British anything is quite my cup of tea. Read Alan Bennett's An Uncommon Reader to see what I mean. I really Hitchhiker because of its wit. I would not say it is my most favorite book ever read, but it was fun. I found it enjoyable and the fact a depressed robot played a role made it much more enjoyable. You know how you picture scenery and people as you are reading? I could not quite get it out of my head that the book took place in the 7os. I realize it was written then but it is supposed to be futuristic and high tech. But yet, in my mind, everything had wood paneling, people wore yellow bell bottoms and the hair was Farah Fossett (sorry for spelling). I kept picturing everything as tape cassette and klunky. But, it was still fun.As it ends, the crew lands on the planet Margrathea. Margrathea is responsible for building planets that are used as galactic vacation destinations. Zaphod is obsessed with this planet b/c it is a bit like Earth's Atlantis. No one is quite sure of its existence because it has been dormant for 5 million years (we later find out it is because the universal economic recession and no one could afford to vacation on pre-fabricated luxury planets). The planet ends up looking like shit and a dustbowl on the outside with smashed sperm whale parts all over it (you will have to read). The crew finds an entrance to the core and force Marvin and Arthur to stand guard outside. Marvin sulks and Arthur meets a Margrathean named Slartibartfast. Slartibartfast tells Marvin of the recession and says his planet is waking up because they have been commissioned for a special project. At this point, Sbf takes Arthur on a ride that is basically a tour de force of Margrathea's central core. The author describes the core as being 18 light seconds across which is around 3 million miles. It is describes as being this tiled room of unfathomable size. In the distance, Arthur can see a planet floating in the central chamber...it ends up being Earth. We find out Margrathea built Earth so we could find out the meaning of life in the universe. The Earth was destroyed five minutes before the meaning was discovered. So, Margrathea is constructing a new one from the old blueprints (they speak of how they are waiting for the casts of dinosaurs to insert in the soil) We also find out Sbf won an award for his construction of the Norwegian fjords and is asked to design a new Africa...with a lot of fjords. Meanwhile, the rest of the crew realizes they are in a chamber that is part of a design Catalog for the planet. The scenery is constantly changing. Zaphod tells a few secrets and then we are all of a sudden introduced to two mice, Benjy and Frankie. At this meeting, Zaphod, Ford, Trillian, Marvin and Arthur are re-united. They find out mice are the smartest animals on Earth (or were) and were performing experiments on us when we thought we were doing it to them. Well, in order to find out the meaning of life, the mice needed Arthur's brain. He ran. Everyone ran. Galactic police then found Zaphod after he had stolen the Heart of Gold. There was a little space crossfire. The guards died. The crew made it back to the Heart of Gold. Marvin caused the space police's aircraft to commit suicide because he talked to it...and that's it. That was the book. It leads directly to the next installment of the five part "trilogy" titled The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
Good book. Time to finish Fforde now. :) We are back together baby.
Now for next week...my "B" book. Here it is...are you ready?
Brom's The Child Thief. Can't wait!
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